heya.. today's weird day.. filled w lotsa emotions.. sumtimes happy sumtimes sad... guess is PMS... haiz..
thursday's short day but hafta do planning for Service Learning. i get dis headache/ migraine after tat.. den was so tired when i gt hm i st8 away slp.. was disrupted several times by my rmmate asking to borrow marker n asking if i wana go down 4 dinner.. nvm, at least she wana jio me mar... den stil tired nw. i shldnt have woke up 4 e stupid moe meeting. its just nth..a waste of time. den just managed to get myself away fr e tv.. die le. im addicted to it den all my work lagged behind.. Sianz.. i decided like long time ago tml i wil pon skl but seems like i cant. cos yt gg 2 c doc den if i pon i scared ms kwanterry will say sth.. den i dun intend to get an MC.. parents' letter wil do.. but i wil go skl late 4 e stupid timed compre thing. was so tired... i realy nid proper rest n sth's realy troubling me so i nid time to sorta sort things out..
duno lehz. summore tml ziyih's ponning too lor, so gt company in hostel... realy troubled.. duno wad shld i do. things r completely out of hand,i nid advice but no1 seems to be giving it to me, cos dey r uncertain too since im uncertain of wad i actually wan..
life's full of making decisions, even when u wana haf lunch, its a decision.. which Uni u r gg to, its a decision. even as to which toilet cubicle that u gonna use, its also a decision. so currently i have 2 major decisions 2 make. i duno, i hate making decisions, y cant life goes on forever like dis. y haf e decisions getting tougher to make? y? y cant sum1 else help me make all my decisions. i wll haf no regrets.. i used to following orders, used to follow pple's decisions, n nw i have to make mine.. e sudden freedom of having to make a decision caught me up. seriously, i donot know wad i wanted.. im just foolish ard..
argh!!! nobody cant seem to understand wad i feel. i thot everythng was planned 4 me by my parents but seemes like day just cant control n dey dare not control everythg. dey're scared dat i may blame dem 4 making a wrong decision. but sumhow, my decision must satisfy dem. so in a way its like making me to take a decision dat's decided by em.. do u get it? haiz... i realy duno wad i want. but i definitely noe, what i dun wan. i dun wan a screwed up life.. dat's all..
yesterday had a long talk w yun. it made me think. ya i agree, i shld nt fall in love with love, i shld nt love sum1 bcos i feel guilty.. but am i loving? hahaz.. i dunno too.. haiz. love is sth dat 1 shld nt touch upon..