*haiz.. suddenly feel like posting another post. em.. suddenly feel so sian. boredom looms over me. tho gg out ltr. i dun feel e excitement. my tongue still tastes salt fr e hostel's lunch. i feel stressed for e coming week. im bothered. in all ways. i hope e tchers wuld keep their asses of pp's business. im not distracted by BGR lar. wadeva clement ong says. im distracted by tchers skl procratinating heart n mind n no goal in life.

*its been worrying. its after prelims i still dunno wad course im gona take. i duno which skl to apply to, duno wad i rly feel like doing. now i kept thinking of being to work as aide worker n being posted to ouagadougou BurkinaFaso, one of e poorest country n help those who needs me. be it being as a doc, nurse or just any1 who wuld provide any form of help. but im scared tt its a 3 min facade. i thot i was pretty determined to go to a business skl namely SMU. its cool, located nearest to e city n i dun wana be like e ave S'porean who r nurtured in either NUS of NTU, to me e common identity is uncool. well.... i haf no ides..

*financially its another problem. my dad has spent a ultra big bomb on our new house n my sis's private U..well, maybe i can stop studying n work first to save b4 proceeding on. i love lifelong learning w/o exams so mebbe i wana study masters of do all e postgraduate work. being a student is always nicer then being a lecturer or a working adult.

*this is when my procrastinating ability comes in agn. i hope i can procrastinate all e way thruout my life. i dun wana try out new thgs, i dun wana upgrade myself like a machine, i just need to improve myself by reading. i just wana slack. i hate e presence of alot of pp. im kinda claustrophobic n introvert despite my outgoing character.. irony is it? yup, sumtimes i do feel alot of thgs tt i wont be able to relate to any1 else. totally no. sumthgs tt r so fragile r not meant to be played w. yup..

*its been so long my blog's on sth tt i feel rather den sth i did. mebbe this is wad i rly wan my blog to be like. perhaps. guilt fills me. all kinds. i felt i did my parents wrong. my results, my spendings, my luxurious life while they thot im stressed n studying. my choice, my beliefs, my actions. im going to 18, i ought to be responsible for myself, but not to be so unrealistice n reliant...