it is forever sad to be at home. at least for me. thinking back of how much i yearned to be at home. i felt stupid. im driven insane or plain near. wadeva i do seems wrong. wadeva i try seems in vain. and i am locked up in my poor lil' "castle" with no one to tok to or complain to. sometimes, even my modem took on me, he refused to wake up from his nice afternoon nap, so i haf no entertainment for e past two days. the greatest invention on earth, tv, ya the TV, has accompanied me thruot my borest days, thankew bro! tho he din show anythg or great interest due unmentionable reasons tt i am unsure of.

n yeah, my dearest sis left her lousy laptop back for my companion but missy Seet here doesnt know hw to connect it to e net.. so i am left w entertainment of watching dvd (uncensored but i forgot wad's e title, anyways, i watched e censored one b4, not rly entertaining tho, thot of hw u get interrupted so often by ur parents' quarrel..) so pls pity me in any way tt u can help, cos i am rly pathetic. look at e word, pathetic!

oh well, i saw this pink paper on my piano, ya, i actually have a piano, a workable piano despite not knowing how to play it.. ya, it was sth abt Christ, i actually think someone is putting in e effort for me mum or dad. either one of em.. heh.. gdgd.. i wana learn some musical instrument n me mum thot guitar was gd but me dad wans me to learn erhu, ya e chinese violin thing.. i duno but noone mentions PIAnO.. haha, duno why..

sumtimes if i think if i dun budge from my lazy seat i may never ever get a job, oh wells, according to weixin, i am a lazy ass.. but sumtimes i am scared of leaving home. i scared that once i leave i can never get back to e same family again. shit. getting all emotional typing this entry.. i rly miss every1, missed life in sg.. but whereever am i i am just gona miss sth some way or another?

i duno how........ i am rly e middle man, being in e middle, i haf no choice but not to side. wad to do, i am always alone. suffering in my own way, how i wish i am e tsunami victim, if only e waves washed everythg away, or even me, i wuld haf a better family, they will learn to cherish wad they have. i rly hope tt God will protect my family and keep it intact. i plead Him. noone will really know wad i feel, everybody thot tt nw i am a grown up i shld know how to handle things. but i am only 18. i know tt doesnt sound right but thgs just came w/o a sign. i culd not take the blow but i took it, i ought to be stronger than i am. in the brand new year.. i wana be stronger than how i look, i wana be stronger than i am.. i wan to depend on myself but not others to keep me alive n going. i dunwana to be looked down upon. n no inferiority complexes.

Yours sincerely, ShuXin Seet


btw, HAPPY BDAE KAYYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!